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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
Dov Davidoff