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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
Dov Davidoff
People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
Dov Davidoff
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Dov Davidoff
I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Dov Davidoff
People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
Dov Davidoff
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
Dov Davidoff
Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff
Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
Dov Davidoff
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Dov Davidoff
I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
Dov Davidoff
False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
Dov Davidoff
Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
Dov Davidoff
When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Dov Davidoff
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
Dov Davidoff