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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
Dov Davidoff
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Dov Davidoff
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
Dov Davidoff
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
Dov Davidoff
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
Dov Davidoff
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Dov Davidoff
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
Dov Davidoff
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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
Dov Davidoff