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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Prevents
Joints
Baboon
Aging
Baboons
Knowledge
Downside
Self
Metabolism
Like
Slower
Behaving
Upside

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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
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When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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