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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Dov Davidoff
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
Dov Davidoff
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The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
Dov Davidoff
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
Dov Davidoff
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
Dov Davidoff
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
Dov Davidoff
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
Dov Davidoff
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
Dov Davidoff
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
Dov Davidoff
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Dov Davidoff
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
Dov Davidoff
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
Dov Davidoff
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
Dov Davidoff
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
Dov Davidoff
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
Dov Davidoff
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
Dov Davidoff
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
Dov Davidoff
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Dov Davidoff
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff