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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
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Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
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