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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Suicide
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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