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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
Dov Davidoff
False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
Dov Davidoff
My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
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Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
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