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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
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People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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