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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Blood
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Writing
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
Dov Davidoff
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Dov Davidoff
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
Dov Davidoff
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
Dov Davidoff
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
Dov Davidoff