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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Dov Davidoff
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
Dov Davidoff
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
Dov Davidoff
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
Dov Davidoff
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
Dov Davidoff
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
Dov Davidoff
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
Dov Davidoff
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
Dov Davidoff
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I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Dov Davidoff
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
Dov Davidoff
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Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
Dov Davidoff
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
Dov Davidoff
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
Dov Davidoff
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
Dov Davidoff
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
Dov Davidoff
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
Dov Davidoff
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
Dov Davidoff