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I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Anger
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
Dov Davidoff
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
Dov Davidoff
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
Dov Davidoff
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Dov Davidoff
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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
Dov Davidoff
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
Dov Davidoff
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
Dov Davidoff
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
Dov Davidoff
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
Dov Davidoff
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
Dov Davidoff
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
Dov Davidoff
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Dov Davidoff
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
Dov Davidoff