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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Issues
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Yelled
Sandwich
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Sandwiches
Anger

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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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