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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Sandwiches
Anger
Issues
Think
Thinking
Yelled
Sandwich
Kidding

More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
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Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
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If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
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