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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Long
Organic
Lack
Prison
Lived
Produce
Fear

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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
Dov Davidoff