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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Organic
Lack
Prison
Lived
Produce
Fear
Long

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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
Dov Davidoff
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
Dov Davidoff
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America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
Dov Davidoff
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
Dov Davidoff
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
Dov Davidoff
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
Dov Davidoff
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
Dov Davidoff