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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Dov Davidoff
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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
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When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
Dov Davidoff
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
Dov Davidoff
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Dov Davidoff
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
Dov Davidoff