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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
Dov Davidoff
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
Dov Davidoff
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
Dov Davidoff
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
Dov Davidoff
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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
Dov Davidoff
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
Dov Davidoff
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
Dov Davidoff
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
Dov Davidoff
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Comedy is rarely funny.
Dov Davidoff
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
Dov Davidoff
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
Dov Davidoff
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Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
Dov Davidoff
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
Dov Davidoff
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
Dov Davidoff
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Dov Davidoff
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
Dov Davidoff
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People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
Dov Davidoff