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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
Dov Davidoff
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Dov Davidoff
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
Dov Davidoff
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
Dov Davidoff
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Dov Davidoff
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When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
Dov Davidoff
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The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
Dov Davidoff
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Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.
Dov Davidoff
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Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
Dov Davidoff
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Dov Davidoff
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
Dov Davidoff
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Dov Davidoff
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
Dov Davidoff
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
Dov Davidoff
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
Dov Davidoff
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
Dov Davidoff
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Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
Dov Davidoff
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
Dov Davidoff