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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
Dov Davidoff
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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
Dov Davidoff
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
Dov Davidoff
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
Dov Davidoff
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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
Dov Davidoff
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Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
Dov Davidoff
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
Dov Davidoff
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
Dov Davidoff
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The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
Dov Davidoff
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
Dov Davidoff
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Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
Dov Davidoff
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
Dov Davidoff
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
Dov Davidoff
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
Dov Davidoff
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
Dov Davidoff
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
Dov Davidoff
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff