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I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
Dov Davidoff
Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
Dov Davidoff
Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
Dov Davidoff
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
Dov Davidoff
I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
Dov Davidoff