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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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