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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
Dov Davidoff
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
Dov Davidoff
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
Dov Davidoff
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
Dov Davidoff
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
Dov Davidoff
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
Dov Davidoff
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
Dov Davidoff
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Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
Dov Davidoff
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
Dov Davidoff
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
Dov Davidoff
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
Dov Davidoff
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It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
Dov Davidoff