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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
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The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
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