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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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