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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
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White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Dov Davidoff