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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Apple
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Patriot

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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
Dov Davidoff
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
Dov Davidoff