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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Faith
Mets
Havens
Haven
Hurt

More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Dov Davidoff
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
Dov Davidoff
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
Dov Davidoff
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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
Dov Davidoff
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
Dov Davidoff
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
Dov Davidoff
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
Dov Davidoff
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Comedy is rarely funny.
Dov Davidoff
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
Dov Davidoff
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Dov Davidoff
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
Dov Davidoff
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Dov Davidoff
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
Dov Davidoff
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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
Dov Davidoff
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
Dov Davidoff
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Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
Dov Davidoff