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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
Dov Davidoff
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
Dov Davidoff
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
Dov Davidoff
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
Dov Davidoff
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Dov Davidoff
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Dov Davidoff
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
Dov Davidoff
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Dov Davidoff
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
Dov Davidoff
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
Dov Davidoff
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
Dov Davidoff
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
Dov Davidoff
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
Dov Davidoff
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
Dov Davidoff
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
Dov Davidoff
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
Dov Davidoff
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
Dov Davidoff