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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Haven
Hurt
Faith
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
Dov Davidoff
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
Dov Davidoff
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
Dov Davidoff
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Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
Dov Davidoff
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Dov Davidoff
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
Dov Davidoff
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Dov Davidoff
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
Dov Davidoff
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
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Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay.
Dov Davidoff
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
Dov Davidoff
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Dov Davidoff
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
Dov Davidoff
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
Dov Davidoff
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
Dov Davidoff
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
Dov Davidoff
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
Dov Davidoff
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
Dov Davidoff