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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
Dov Davidoff
It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
Dov Davidoff
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
Dov Davidoff
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Dov Davidoff
The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
Dov Davidoff
Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
Dov Davidoff
Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
Dov Davidoff
If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
Dov Davidoff
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
Dov Davidoff
The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
Dov Davidoff
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Dov Davidoff
It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
Dov Davidoff
Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff
I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
Dov Davidoff
I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
Dov Davidoff
People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
Dov Davidoff
I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
Dov Davidoff
Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
Dov Davidoff
False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
Dov Davidoff
Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
Dov Davidoff