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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
Humans
Quitter
Math
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
Dov Davidoff
The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
Dov Davidoff
False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
Dov Davidoff
I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
Dov Davidoff
I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
Dov Davidoff
Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
Dov Davidoff
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
Dov Davidoff
Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
Dov Davidoff
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
Dov Davidoff
America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
Dov Davidoff
Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
Dov Davidoff
The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
Dov Davidoff
I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
Dov Davidoff
Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
Dov Davidoff
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
Dov Davidoff