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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
Dov Davidoff
The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
Dov Davidoff
You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
Dov Davidoff
If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
Dov Davidoff
When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
Dov Davidoff
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
Dov Davidoff
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Dov Davidoff
The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff
Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
Dov Davidoff
If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.
Dov Davidoff
Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
Dov Davidoff
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
Dov Davidoff
I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
Dov Davidoff
Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
Dov Davidoff
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
Dov Davidoff
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Dov Davidoff
America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
Dov Davidoff
America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
Dov Davidoff
It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
Dov Davidoff