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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
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