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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
Dov Davidoff
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
Dov Davidoff
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
Dov Davidoff
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
Dov Davidoff
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
Dov Davidoff
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
Dov Davidoff
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
Dov Davidoff
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
Dov Davidoff
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
Dov Davidoff
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
Dov Davidoff
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
Dov Davidoff
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
Dov Davidoff
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
Dov Davidoff
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
Dov Davidoff