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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
Dov Davidoff
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
Dov Davidoff
Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
Dov Davidoff
Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
Dov Davidoff
I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
Dov Davidoff
Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
Dov Davidoff
It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
Dov Davidoff
MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
Dov Davidoff
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
Dov Davidoff
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
Dov Davidoff
Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
Dov Davidoff
I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
Dov Davidoff
Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
Dov Davidoff
Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
Dov Davidoff
Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
Dov Davidoff
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
Dov Davidoff
Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
