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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
Dov Davidoff
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
Dov Davidoff
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
Dov Davidoff
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
Dov Davidoff
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
Dov Davidoff
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
Dov Davidoff
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
Dov Davidoff
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America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
Dov Davidoff
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
Dov Davidoff
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
Dov Davidoff