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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
Dov Davidoff
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
Dov Davidoff
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Dov Davidoff
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
Dov Davidoff
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
Dov Davidoff
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
Dov Davidoff
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
Dov Davidoff
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
Dov Davidoff
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
Dov Davidoff
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
Dov Davidoff
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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
Dov Davidoff
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
Dov Davidoff
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
Dov Davidoff
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
Dov Davidoff