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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Congratulating
Nationality
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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
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When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
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Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
Dov Davidoff