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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
Dov Davidoff
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
Dov Davidoff