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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
Dov Davidoff
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
Dov Davidoff
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Dov Davidoff
Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
Dov Davidoff
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
Dov Davidoff
Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
Dov Davidoff
The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
Dov Davidoff
I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
Dov Davidoff
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
Dov Davidoff
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Dov Davidoff
When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Dov Davidoff