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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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