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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
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Comedy is rarely funny.
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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