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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Inversely
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Restaurants

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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
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A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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