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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic.
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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