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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Inversely
Restaurant

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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
Dov Davidoff
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
Dov Davidoff
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
Dov Davidoff
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White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.
Dov Davidoff
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
Dov Davidoff