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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
Dov Davidoff
Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
Dov Davidoff
Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
Dov Davidoff