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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Reeling

More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
Dov Davidoff
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Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
Dov Davidoff
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
Dov Davidoff
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
Dov Davidoff
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
Dov Davidoff
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Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
Dov Davidoff
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Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
Dov Davidoff
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Dov Davidoff
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Dov Davidoff
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
Dov Davidoff
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
Dov Davidoff