Quote

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Dov Davidoff

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dov Davidoff
Every
Time
Polygraph
Couple
Happy
Give
Giving

More quotes by Dov Davidoff

Image
Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
Dov Davidoff
Image
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
Dov Davidoff
Image
If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
Dov Davidoff
Image
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
Dov Davidoff
Image
When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Dov Davidoff
Image
It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
Dov Davidoff
Image
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
Dov Davidoff
Image
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
Dov Davidoff
Image
The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
Dov Davidoff
Image
I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
Image
Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff