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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Every
Time
Polygraph
Couple
Happy
Give
Giving

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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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Comedy is rarely funny.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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