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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
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Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
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