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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
Dov Davidoff
I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
Dov Davidoff
I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.
Dov Davidoff
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
Dov Davidoff
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Dov Davidoff
Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
Dov Davidoff
Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Dov Davidoff
Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Dov Davidoff
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
Dov Davidoff
Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
Dov Davidoff
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
Dov Davidoff
It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
Dov Davidoff