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If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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