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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
Dov Davidoff
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
Dov Davidoff
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
Dov Davidoff
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
Dov Davidoff
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
Dov Davidoff
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff
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I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
Dov Davidoff
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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Comedy is rarely funny.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
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I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Dov Davidoff
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
Dov Davidoff