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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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