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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
Dov Davidoff
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
Dov Davidoff
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
Dov Davidoff
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
Dov Davidoff
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Dov Davidoff
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
Dov Davidoff
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
Dov Davidoff
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
Dov Davidoff
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Dov Davidoff
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
Dov Davidoff