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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
Dov Davidoff
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
Dov Davidoff
Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
Dov Davidoff
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
Dov Davidoff
I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
Dov Davidoff
Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
Dov Davidoff
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
Dov Davidoff
I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
Dov Davidoff
The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
Dov Davidoff
If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
Dov Davidoff
Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
Dov Davidoff
I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Dov Davidoff
Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
Dov Davidoff
Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
Dov Davidoff
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
Dov Davidoff
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
Dov Davidoff
Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
Dov Davidoff
Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Dov Davidoff
Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
Dov Davidoff