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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
Dov Davidoff
Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff
Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
Dov Davidoff